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User blog:Ponyo Fan/Ponyo's Fanon Sins: Vacation: The Movie
Welcome to Ponyo's Fanon Sins, a parody of the Cinema Sins YouTube series. Today, we pick apart Vacation: The Movie. Fanon Sins *''(Music used in this scene)'' -- shortened *''The gang are shown in a car; Tanner driving, Ponyo in the passenger seat, and Da Nerd and Desu in the back seats.'' *'Tanner is 15. He cannot drive a car full of minors. Why the hell wouldn't Ponyo drive? She's actually the only one legal to drive in there. +1 sin.' *''They go past a sign, which the camera zooms in on, revealing that it reads "DA NERD PRESENTS"'' *'Movie creator can't even credit his real name. +1 sin.' *''The camera cuts back to the car. It pans to one of the tires, which reads "A SPONGEBOB FAN WIKI PRODUCTION"] '''I'm pretty sure it's not a "SpongeBob Fan Wiki Production" if only one guy worked on it. +1 sin.' *''The rest of the opening credits are shown in various parts of the sky as the camera continues following the car.'' *''During the credits, a distant "HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014" firework show is briefly shown in the background, barely visible.'' *''The car eventually reaches the parking lot of Jatterman Hotel. The camera zooms out to show the entire hotel, which is overlayed with "Vacation: The Movie". *''Once the car is parked, the gang all get out and head towards the elevator.'' (Music ends) *''Opening the elevator, Da Nerd lets the rest of the gang step inside.'' *''Just as Da Nerd is about to go inside behind everyone else, Tanner hits the "close door" button and the elevator begins going down.'' *'Da Nerd:' God dammit, Tanner! Tanner randomly decides to be an asshole today. +1 sin. *''Da Nerd races towards the stairs, and rockets down 2 steps at a time.'' *''Reaching the end of the stairs, Da Nerd runs out into the hall, where the gang is getting off of the elevator.'' *''Da Nerd leaps at Tanner, somehow tackling him.'' *''Tanner immediately gets up and throws a punch.'' *''The two start swinging at and pushing each other.'' *''Desu and Ponyo try to break up the fight.'' *'Ponyo:' Come on, break it up. *'Desu:' You guys do this every damn time. Actually, no, they have never done things like this in the actual Vacation series. +1 sin. *'Da Nerd:' If Tanner wasn't such an asshole-- *'Tanner:' At least I'm not a pansy. *'Ponyo:' Okay, we're done. Can we just have one night where this doesn't happen? As I said, this has never happened before now. +1 sin. *''Da Nerd and Tanner sigh.'' *'Da Nerd:' Fine. *'Tanner:' Whatever. *''The gang head towards room 109. Da Nerd gets out his key, but Tanner is already turning the lock.'' *'Da Nerd:' I swear to-- *'Desu:' Don't. *'Da Nerd:' But he-- *'Desu:' I know. *'Da Nerd:' I just-- *'Desu:' Stop. *'Da Nerd:' Ugh. *''Tanner opens the door and holds it open for the rest to go inside.'' *''Da Nerd is the last to enter, and gets tripped by Tanner on the way in.'' *''He merely glances back at Tanner, who gives a smirk.'' *''Tanner walks in, closing the door behind him and putting his keys on the wall.'' *''He sits next to Ponyo on the couch; Desu is sitting in the recliner next to it.'' *''Da Nerd pulls up the chair from the desk and sits down in it next to Desu.'' *''The TV is on and there are a few moments of no dialogue.'' *'Da Nerd:' How the hell is the experiment almost already done? *'Tanner:' Damn, time flies. *'Ponyo:' We still have some things left to do though. *'Da Nerd:' Mmmk. *'Tanner:' Like what? *'Ponyo:' First we have to tell everyone where the hell we've been for 6 months. *'Desu:' Yeah, good idea. *'Da Nerd:' K, let's go. *''Ponyo gets out her laptop and goes to the SpongeBob Fan Wiki.'' *''She clicks on the "Ponyo Fan" in the upper-right corner, and clicks the "Blogs" tab.'' *'Ponyo:' Shit. *'Desu:' What? *'Ponyo:' It says, "Because of certain issues that have been occurring, this feature is currently unavailable on ." Wow, they can't even bother using the wiki's name? They just call it "SITENAME"? +1 sin. *'Da Nerd:' Damn it. *'Tanner:' There's always the Referata. *'Desu:' And the Tumblr. *'Ponyo:' No one would even bother checking those anymore. *'Da Nerd:' Try creating an article. *'Ponyo:' Nope, says the same thing. *'Da Nerd:' Damn. *'Desu:' What the hell are we supposed to do now? *''There is a moment of silence.'' *''Da Nerd snaps his fingers.'' *'Da Nerd:' I got it. *'Tanner:' Whoa, dude, how do you snap your fingers? I can't even do that. Tanner suddenly has ADHD. +1 sin. *''Tanner shows his pathetic attempt at snapping his fingers.'' *'Da Nerd:' Okay, no, dude, it's easy. You take your thumb and middle finger like this, see. Then you just slide-- *'Desu:' Guys! Nerd, what the hell is your idea? *'Da Nerd:' Oh yeah. This hotel has two wifi hotspots, remember? Two different hotspots, two different IPs. You already hbleepcked it up by signing into your account on one of them. But sign out and connect to the other hotspot, and badaboom badabing we can tell them everything. *'Ponyo:' No, you dumbass, it's not preventing us from doing shit because our IP is blocked. *'Tanner:' Yeah, it's blocked for everyone. Freaking idiot. *'Desu:' God dammit, Nerd. Everyone is an asshole to Da Nerd despite being the only one even trying to figure out how to contact the wiki. +1 sin. *'Da Nerd:' Sorry, I'm not thinking straight today, and even if I was, it's hbleeping 1 in the morning. *'Ponyo:' So? I go to bed at like 4 AM every day, what with Tanner wanting to get smexy all the time. *'Tanner:' Oh come on, you know you always want to too. Tanner's penis would not be able to have sex so much over six months. +1 sin. *'Desu:' Guys, shut the hell up and let me think, because I think I actually have an idea. *'Ponyo:' What? *'Tanner:' What is it? *'Da Nerd:' Yeah, what is it? Desu tells them to shut the hell up, so they do the exact opposite. +1 sin. *'Desu:' Just shut up for like 5 seconds and I'll think of one. *''There are about 5 seconds of silence, give or take.'' *'Da Nerd:' Got it yet? *'Desu:' Noooo. Ugh, let's just go to sleep. *''The rest murmur in agreement and they each go to their respective bedrooms.'' *''Da Nerd and Desu are lying in bed.'' *'Da Nerd:' You actually do have an idea, don't you? *'Desu:' Yes, but don't tell anyone yet, okay? Promise that for me. *'Da Nerd:' Alright, I promise. *'Desu:' Okay, good. Alright, so... Why does she not want to tell them? It would put everyone else's minds at ease. Or does she really like torturing people? +1 sin. *''to next morning'' *'Ponyo:' Rise and freakin' shine everyone, it's finally our last day! *''This wakes up everyone else, who grumpily walk out of their bedrooms to Ponyo in the living room.'' *'Da Nerd:' Uh my God. It's like 6 in the morning, can't we go back to bed for another 10 hours or so? *'Ponyo:' Hell no, we've got a lot of shit to do today! *'Desu:' Ugh, can't you guys do it yourselves? I'm going back to bed. *''Desu starts walking back to the bedroom.'' *'Da Nerd:' If she gets to go, I'm going too alright Movie forgot what a period or a question mark was. +1 sin. *'Ponyo:' No, both of you get right back here. Guys. We all need to help if we're gonna get home even by midnight. Alright, everyone start packing up the stuff in your rooms. *'Da Nerd:' I'll go get Nerri. *'Ponyo:' And hurry. *'Da Nerd:' We are! God! *''Da Nerd goes into his and Desu's room and opens the container by Nerri's bowl. He then gently lowers the container into the bowl to hoax Nerri in.'' *''Ponyo sees how slow Da Nerd is going.'' *'Ponyo:' What the hell? You need to go faster! *'Da Nerd:' I'm trying not to startle her, alright!? *'Ponyo:' something under breath voice Give me that! *''Ponyo aggressively throws her hand into the bowl, holding the container, which causes a ripple in the water. This only makes Nerri move away from the container, so Ponyo starts to scoop her up.'' *''Ponyo slams the container down on the dresser with Nerri in it.'' *'Ponyo:' There! *'Da Nerd:' Well now I need to pour some water and wait until it's at room temperature. *'Ponyo:' And how the hell long will that take!? *'Da Nerd:' I don't know; an hour, maybe? *'Ponyo:' We don't have a freaking hour! Just set it to warm, your damn fish will be fine! *''Ponyo then grunts angrily and stomps out of the room.'' Why is Ponyo such a bitch in this scene? She's not pregnant in the movie, so she has no excuse. +1 sin. *''Tanner is shown packing things neatly into his suitcase, which seems to have been taking him a while.'' *'Ponyo:' And you; what the hell are you doing? *'Tanner:' What do you mean? *'Ponyo:' You're being all freaking OCD with your packing, what the hell? *'Tanner:' Well-- *'Ponyo:' Shut up! God, are you done yet? *'Tanner:' No, I still got a few more things-- *'Ponyo:' Well hurry your frick frackin' ass up! *'Tanner:' I'm trying! *'Ponyo:' And don't yell at me! God! Ponyo is still acting like a bitch for no reason. +1 sin. *''Ponyo angrily stomps out of her and Tanner's room too, slamming the door behind her. She then realizes her stuff is in the room with Tanner and slams the door open, knocking it against the wall.'' *'Tanner:' What!? Tanner jumps on the bandwagon of being angry for no reason. +1 sin. *''Ponyo then tramples the ground over to where her suitcase is, and grabs all of her stuff with it. She then follows the same procedure that she had done a moment earlier.'' *''There is a shot of her frustrated, angrily and mindlessly packing, while there is a transition to the next scene.'' *''The gang are shown by the door at the exit of the now almost-empty room, excluding the hotel defaults, holding their packed suitcases.'' *'Ponyo:' Alright, everyone got everything? *'Da Nerd:' Yep. *'Desu:' Pretty sure. *'Tanner:' Yeah. *'Ponyo:' Then let's get out of this hellhole. *''Ponyo closes the door behind everyone else and locks it with her key.'' *''The gang run up the stairs to the check-in/check-out counter.'' *'Ponyo:' towards hotel door Bye! *'Counter lady:' Hold up. Y'all need to sign out right here. *''Ponyo runs back and follows everyone's actions as they sign out.'' *''They start to depart.'' *'Counter lady:' I'll also need y'all's keys. *'Da Nerd:' Uh... *''Da Nerd reaches in his pocket and pulls out his key.'' *'Da Nerd:' to Counter lady There you go. *''Ponyo also hands the counter lady her key, as does Tanner.'' *'Counter lady:' Alright, now y'all have a good day, and thank you for staying at Jatterman Hotel. *''They all run out to the parking lot, which turns out to be packed - not only with cars, but with people too.'' *'Da Nerd:' What the hell? *'Tanner:' Screw it, we need to hurry. *''They carefully but quickly start to run towards Tanner's car.'' Why is it Tanner's car? He's not old enough to get a license yet. +1 sin. *''About halfway there to the car, Desu is no longer in sight. They don't notice this at first.'' *''They reach the car and everyone gets in.'' *''Tanner starts the engine.'' *'Da Nerd:' Wait, where's Desu? *'Tanner:' Forget her, we're already late off schedule. *''Tanner starts to push the gas pedal, but Ponyo stomps with the force of the ruler of the darkness on the brake pedal and twists Tanner's hand to lure him into pulling the gear to park. He is eventually convinced to do so and hence, does.'' *''They get out of the car, and see Desu lying on the floor, not moving.'' *''People continue walking by, not noticing.'' *''Da Nerd quickly runs over to Desu.'' *'Da Nerd:' Desu - what happened? *''Desu does not answer back.'' *''Da Nerd lifts up Desu, which reveals a puddle of blood beneath her.'' *''Everyone murmurs remarks such as, "Oh God," or "Ugh."'' Everyone seems mad at Desu. How dare she get injured when we're trying to leave! Like it's her fault she got injured. +1 sin. *'Da Nerd:' We should take her to the hospital. *'Tanner:' Hell no. We're already late, so screw it. Just screw it. Tanner is an asshole to dying people. +1 sin. *'Ponyo:' Tanner, no. This is serious. We have to take her to the hospital. *'Tanner:' No! Tanner really lacks any form of empathy in this scene. Was he possessed by a demon or something? +1 sin. *'Ponyo:' (leaning up close to Tanner) Tanner, I swear to God, I will never do anything with you again if you don't help Desu right now I swear to freaking God, Tanner, I shit you not. You take her to the hospital right inaudibleing now or I will leave you forever, so help me God, Tanner. *'Tanner:' Okay, fine. *'Da Nerd:' (attempting to carry Desu) Here, someone help me. *''Ponyo takes part in carrying Desu to the car, while Da Nerd lifts her inside the car and into her seat, buckling her in.'' *'Da Nerd:' Oh God, I hope she's okay. *''Tanner shifts the gear into reverse and starts to slowly back away.'' *'Ponyo:' Faster! *''Tanner slams down on the gas pedal and speeds out of the parking lot.'' *''After a transition, the gang are shown at a hospital, Da Nerd carrying Desu.'' *'Desk lady:' Can I help you--''(looks up)'' WHOOOAAAA... that looks pretty damn serious! Do y'all need a room for this girl? *'Da Nerd:' Hell yes. *'Desk lady:' Okay; what happened to her!? *'Ponyo:' We have no idea, but she looks pretty hurt. *'Da Nerd:' She's unconscious and there was blood by her head. She was lying down in the parking lot, not moving. We think something might have caused her to fall and hit her head, but yeah it does look pretty serious. *'Desk lady:' Okay, we'll get a wheelchair for her right away. (to herself, turning around) Daayum! *''The desk lady picks up a phone and presses a button on it.'' *'Desk lady:' We got an unconscious girl here that needs a wheelchair; apparently she was lying down in the parking lot with blood by her head and it looks pretty serious, so could we get an E.R. room for her? Thank you. *''The desk lady puts down the phone.'' *'Desk lady:' Don't you worry, a wheelchair will be here any second. *''A few moments later, two men in hospital uniforms come and bring Desu a wheelchair; they lift Desu up and put her in it.'' I wish my E.R. people showed up within two seconds. +1 sin. *''They roll her into a hallway and into an E.R. room. The gang follow.'' *'Da Nerd:' God help her. *'Ponyo:' Nerd, don't worry. She'll be fine. *'Da Nerd:' I know, but... *'Tanner:' But what? *'Da Nerd:' Just... never mind. *'Tanner:' Mmmq. What was the point of that entire conversation? +1 sin. *''They reach the room.'' *'Da Nerd:' (to one of the men) Is she gonna be alright? *'Man:' We're not completely sure yet, but we're gonna do a few tests, get an expert in, and see how bad it is. As for now, she looks like she'll probably be okay in, say, 2 weeks? *'Tanner:' Two weeks!? Hell no, I am not waiting that long to go back home. *'Ponyo:' Taaannerr! *'Da Nerd:' C'mon, Tan, don't be like that. Desu's injured, and all you care about is going back home? My God, Tanner. *'Tanner:' One, don't call me Tan. Two, who gives a flying shit about Desu? Tanner is really an asshole to dying people. +1 sin. *'Ponyo:' ...Tanner. Leave this room right now. I don't even want to see you right now. *'Tanner:' But-- *'Ponyo:' Just go! *''Tanner distressfully leaves the room.'' *''Ponyo and Da Nerd stand in silence for a while.'' *''Da Nerd sits down in one of the chairs, while Ponyo remains standing on the other side of the room. Both are on either side of Desu's hospital bed, which is occupied by Desu.'' *'Da Nerd:' What are we gonna do? *'Ponyo:' I don't know. I guess we should just wait. *'Da Nerd:' Well, if she's in a coma of any kind, I read somewhere that people in comas are aware of everything happening around them, so... I'm gonna try talking to her. *'Ponyo:' Oh, please. *'Da Nerd:' What? *'Ponyo:' That'll never work. It's impossible. *'Da Nerd:' Nothing... is impossible. *''Da Nerd leans into Desu's ear.'' *'Da Nerd:' (holding Desu's hand) Desu, if you can hear me, I want you to know that I love you so much and I really hope to God that you will make it through this. I will do anything I can to help you through this; just know that I'm there for you. I love you. Desu is several years older then him, making her a pedophile, something not brought up in this movie or in the TV series. +1 sin. *''Ponyo quietly scoffs.'' *''Da Nerd leans in and gives Desu a kiss on the forehead.'' *''Ponyo rolls her eyes in the background, and there is a transition to the next scene.'' *'Da Nerd:' (to expert in room) So, how is she? *'Expert:' (male British accent) She seems to be in very serious condition, but we still need to run a few more tests before we know for sure what's wrong. *'Da Nerd:' And how long will that take? *'Expert:' About 2 hours, tops. You're gonna have to wait outside while we do them, so uh, run along. *'Da Nerd:' Alright. (to Desu) I'll be back, love. Da Nerd randomly starts talking British after having a British doctor talk to him. I guess British slang is contagious. +1 sin. *''Da Nerd steps outside the room, and a female assistant to the expert walks into the room and closes the door behind her.'' *''Da Nerd gets out his phone and starts scrolling through Facebook.'' *''He scrolls back up and reloads his timeline. The notification bar reveals that Da Nerd has gotten a message.'' *''Da Nerd taps the message icon and sees that he has gotten a message from Simon Anderson.'' *''He taps Simon Anderson, which reveals the entire message:'' ::DN, ::Adam and I want to come back. ::can we please How would they not know the experiment's already ended? They knew it was six months long. +1 sin. *''Da Nerd taps on the reply text box.'' *''He types:'' ::I don't know for sure. ::Desu's in the hospital, and the experiment's already off. *''Da Nerd sends the message, then taps the text box again after a few moments:'' ::You know what - sure, come visit. ::We'd like you here. Simon and Adam are both minors. How are they magically going to get into another state just like that? Come to think of, how the hell did any of these kids get into another state with a bunch of strange Internet people without their parents showing the slightest bit of concern? +1 sin. ::I bet Desu would too, if she wasn't in a coma :/ *''Da Nerd sends the message and turns off his phone, followed by him putting it in his pocket.'' *''Soon after, there is a vibration in his pocket, which prompts Da Nerd to take out his phone and turn it on.'' *''He unlocks the phone and sees Simon's response:'' ::okay what hospital *''Da Nerd replies:'' ::Orvaniana Medical Services & Hospital. Da Nerd neglects to tell Simon what city or state that's in. +1 sin. ::See ya *''Da Nerd turns off his phone again and puts it back in his pocket. He then leans back in his chair.'' *''There is a transition to the next scene.'' *''Da Nerd is still sitting in the chair, and is asleep.'' *''He then feels a vibration in his pocket, which prompts him to slowly awake.'' *''The vibrations continue, each one making Da Nerd more aware.'' *''Da Nerd, fully awake, reaches in his pocket and pulls out his phone.'' *''Turning it on and unlocking it reveals that he has a Skype call incoming.'' *''He answers it, and Simon and Suds are shown on the screen, in a plane.'' *'Simon:' Hellooooo! And welcome to -- oh shit. *'Suds:' What? *'Simon:' I forgot, this isn't YouTube or the Google Hangouts thing. Uh, hello Da Nerd. How do you forget real life is not the Internet? +1 sin. *'Da Nerd:' (sleepily) Hey, Simon. *'Simon:' Uh, so the plane attendants or whatever they are called - they said the flight will be, uh, postponed for about 15 hours. *'Da Nerd:' What!? *'Simon:' Yeah, there's like weather and stuff. *'Suds:' Yeah. *'Da Nerd:' Damn it. *'Suds:' It sucks. *'Simon:' Yeah. *'Da Nerd:' Ugh. Whatever, just get here as soon as you can, okay? *'Simon:' That's not up to us. *'Suds:' We have no control over that. *'Da Nerd:' Whatever! Da Nerd is pissed that Simon and Suds cannot control the weather. +1 sin. *'Simon:' Geez. *'Suds:' Don't yell at us. *'Da Nerd:' Sorry, I'm just really pissed right now. *'Simon:' Why? *'Da Nerd:' The hospital quote-unquote "experts" said their tests would take a maximum of 2 hours. *'Suds:' Yeah? *'Simon:' Go on. *'Da Nerd:' It's been five, and those bastards still won't let me see Desu. *'Simon:' Must suck. *'Suds:' Yeah. *'Da Nerd:' Hell yes it sucks. Ugh, see you later. *'Suds:' Byee! *'Simon:' Byyyyyyeee! *''hang up sound'' *''Da Nerd sighs and leans back in his chair, drifting off to sleep again.'' *'Tanner:' (voice over black background) Earth to Bob Jellington. Hello, Bob Jellington. Do you read me, Bob Jellington. Over. *''Da Nerd awakes.'' *'Tanner:' Bob Jellington, are you there? Over. *'Da Nerd:' Tanner, what the hell are you doing? *'Tanner:' I'm trying to transmit a conversation with Jelly. *'Da Nerd:' And? *'Tanner:' So far, nothing has worked. *'Da Nerd:' Did you press 9 before making the call? *'Tanner:' Oh. Shit, no I didn't. *'Da Nerd:' (putting on glasses) You dumbass. More random bickering for no reason. +1 sin. *''Da Nerd glances over at Desu's door, which is open.'' *'Da Nerd:' Oh, hey, can I go in Desu's room? *'Tanner:' Yeah, you would have been able to for the past, oh, 8 hours. *'Da Nerd:' Eight hours!? Holy shit. *'Tanner:' (redialing on phone) Yep. Also, they found out she has a serious brain injury; I don't remember what it's called exactly, but it's pretty frick frackin' serious and she might have severe short and long term memory loss. They still want to do some more tests. How does one have short and long term memory loss? +1 sin. *'Da Nerd:' More tests? Oh, hell no. Da Nerd doesn't care if his girlfriend survives, only that he gets to see her as soon as possible. +1 sin. *'Tanner:' They said they only want to do, like, 9 more. *'Da Nerd:' No. Just no. Is she awake? *'Tanner:' Yeah, but barely. *''Da Nerd runs into Desu's room, and walks over to her bedside.'' *'Da Nerd:' Desu... can you hear me? *'Tanner:' (barely audible, in background) Bob Jellington, can you hear me? Bob Jellington, are you there? *'Jelly:' (over speaker on phone) Hello. Yes, Bob Jellington is here, how can I be of service? *''Tanner and Jelly have a conversation in the background.'' *'Desu:' Where... ... where am I? *'Da Nerd:' OH, THANK GOD YOU'RE ALIVE. *'Desu:' What... what happened? *'Da Nerd:' You, uh... you almost died. You hit your head in the parking lot somehow, but oh my GOD, you're ALIVE! *''Da Nerd hugs Desu.'' *''There is a transition to the next scene.'' *''As a reference to earlier in the movie, Da Nerd and Tanner are standing by a bench, Da Nerd demonstrating to Tanner on how to snap.'' *'Da Nerd:' Okay, see - you take your thumb. *'Tanner:' Right. *'Da Nerd:' And your middle finger. *'Tanner:' Yeah. *'Da Nerd:' You know, the one you use to flip people off when they look at Ponyo's tits. *'Tanner:' Okay. *'Da Nerd:' Okay, you slide those two across each other. Like this. (Da Nerd snaps.) *''Tanner again pathetically attempts to snap.'' *'Da Nerd:' No, okay. Look carefully this time. You see - the thumb, it slides across the middle finger. The middle finger lands at the side of your hand, and your thumb goes up by your index finger. Like this. (Da Nerd demonstrates snapping again.) There is literally no point of this sequence. +1 sin. *''While the snapping lesson is being done, Simon and Suds come into the hospital and begin walking through the halls, trying to find Desu's room.'' I thought their plane was delayed for 15 hours! +1 sin. *''They find Da Nerd and Tanner arguing by the bench.'' *'Simon:' Hi. *''Da Nerd and Tanner stop and notice Simon and Suds.'' *'Da Nerd:' Oh hey, guys! *'Tanner:' Hi! *'Suds:' Hey! *'Da Nerd:' Um, Desu's right in there if you want to see her. (gestures towards Desu's room) *'Simon:' Alright. *''Suds follows Simon into Desu's room. Shortly after, the door closes.'' *''Da Nerd and Tanner look confused. After a few moments, they walk towards the door and Da Nerd reaches for the doorknob. Right before he touches it, he hears moaning and stops.'' *''Da Nerd looks shocked and slowly backs away.'' *''Tanner puts his arms up in a "WHAT THE HELL MAN" fashion.'' *'Da Nerd:' What? *'Tanner:' Dude, they're getting smexy with your girl in there, and you don't even give a shit? *'Da Nerd:' Oh. Right. *''Da Nerd slams the door open.'' *''The disturbing pedophilia image is not visible, but the facial expression on Da Nerd's face allows us to assume.'' *'Da Nerd:' What the F***'' do you think you're doing!? '''Well, they are quite obviously having sexual intercourse. +1 sin.' *'Desu:' I think it's pretty obvious. *'Da Nerd:' GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, YOU TWO. *''Simon and Suds are seen leaving, pulling their pants up.'' *'Da Nerd:' And as for you (gestures towards Desu)! WHY!? *'Desu:' I did say I've always wanted a threeway. *'Da Nerd:' I swear to God, Desu... I am so done with you. I thought Desu was supposed to lose her memory. Why does she remember who all these people are and that she wants a threeway? +1 sin. Also, why has no one noticed Desu is a pedophile? +1 sin. *''Da Nerd shakes his head and walks out the door, slamming it behind him.'' *''Tanner notices Da Nerd's mood and looks at him, Da Nerd not noticing.'' *''Da Nerd lets out a large sigh.'' *''He sees Tanner looking at him in the corner of his sight.'' *'Da Nerd:' (turning towards Tanner) What the hell are you looking at? *''Tanner looks away.'' Da Nerd is an asshole to people who look. +1 sin. *''There is a transition to a filler transition.'' *''A caption reads:'' ::ONE WEEK LATER *''Da Nerd is seen sitting on a bench in the hospital, seemingly pissed.'' *''Tanner, Ponyo, Desu, Simon and Suds are seen walking by in the background.'' *'Ponyo:' Nerd, we're going now. *'Da Nerd:' (glances up) Oh. *'Tanner:' Neerrrrd, come on. He hasn't even had time to move yet. +1 sin. *'Desu:' Nerd, I'm sorry. *'Da Nerd:' You know -- whatever. *''Da Nerd gets up, but walks in a different direction than the others.'' *'Tanner:' Nerd, where you going? *'Da Nerd:' I'm gonna go take a walk. I'll meet you guys back at the hotel. *'Ponyo:' Uh... we're not going to the hotel. *'Tanner:' We're going home, Nerd. Why the hell does Da Nerd think they're going back to the hotel? He was in this movie too, right? +1 sin. *''Da Nerd sighs, and follows the gang to the exit door of the hospital.'' *'Desk lady:' Have a nice night! *''Da Nerd, Ponyo, Tanner and Desu get into the car as they had earlier.'' *''Simon and Suds look confused as to where they were to sit.'' *'Tanner:' Ohhh... uh... *''Tanner pushes a button, which opens the trunk.'' *'Tanner:' Get in. *'Simon:' But-- *'Ponyo:' Simon, please. *''Simon reluctantly gets in; Suds follows and shuts the trunk from the inside.'' *''Tanner starts the car and begins to drive away.'' *''There is a transition to the next scene.'' *''The gang are all at the airport.'' *'Tanner:' Well... we've all got different planes to catch. So I guess this is a final goodbye. *'Da Nerd:' Yeah. *'Desu:' Yep. *'Tanner:' Uhm... this has been a really great 6 months. I hope to see all of you again sometime soon. *'Desu:' And, uhm... Nerd. I am really sorry for what happened that day. *'Simon:' We are too. *'Desu:' Nerd, can you forgive me? Please? *'Da Nerd:' Aahhh, I guess so. One half-assed apology makes up for the fact that your girlfriend cheated on you with two minors below the age of consent. +1 sin. Wait, Da Nerd is below the age of consent too. Desu has bleeped three minors. Why has no one called the cops on this pedo? +1 sin. *''Da Nerd and Desu hug it out, which prompts Tanner and Ponyo to do the same.'' *''Simon and Suds look at each other. Simon has the expression of "no way man" while Suds looks slightly willing. They eventually awkwardly hug.'' Suds is suddenly gay after nothing in the TV series hinting at this. +1 sin. *''Once everyone is done, they stand in silence, awkwardly.'' *'Voice over intercom:' Flight 419 will be taking off shortly. Riders will no longer be able to get on board 5 minutes from now. *'Suds:' That's me. See ya, guys. *''Everyone says their farewell message to Suds as he departs.'' *'Tanner:' So, uh, Violet. *'Ponyo:' Yes, my smexy lord? *'Tanner:' I really hope I can see you again very soon. *'Ponyo:' You don't have to worry. *'Tanner:' What do you mean? *'Ponyo:' I called my parents last night because I knew we were gonna be leaving today. They said that we could meet somewhere in 2 weeks. Wait, what? +1 sin. *'Tanner:' Oh my God YES. *'Ponyo:' I know, I'm so excited too! So you mean their parents just approved of this sexually active couple who met over the Internet who neither of the parents have met the other person before meet up together? The bleep is up with the parents in the movie? *'Tanner:' But, you know, for now... *''The sentence drifts off, and after a few moments, they start passionately making out.'' *''Da Nerd and Desu look at each other, and Da Nerd starts slowly leaning in, Desu repeatedly shaking her head. Eventually, Da Nerd convinces Desu with his lips and they copy Tanner and Ponyo's current lip action.'' *''This makes Simon feel slightly lonely, which is noted by him looking down, disappointed. He then eyes a 10-year-old girl, and glances at her invitingly. She simply shakes her head no and continues walking.'' Simon really thinks some ten year old girl is going to randomly walk over to this guy she's never met before and make out with him. I think she was taught stranger danger in school. +1 sin. *'Voice over intercom:' Flight 539 will be taking off shortly. Riders will no longer be able to get on board 5 minutes from now. *'Simon:' I'll just leave you guys to your... inter-gender sacrifice and receiving of lip. *''Simon walks away awkwardly, and the remaining gang finish off.'' *''The following awkwardness is interrupted by Teleram running towards them, holding a newspaper.'' *'YS:' GUYS! Why is Teleram here now? +1 sin. *'Tanner:' Oh hey, Youngsoo! *''The rest of the gang greet Teleram.'' *'Tanner:' What's up? *'YS:' I FOUND THIS NEWSPAPER ON THE GROUND AND I SAW IT AND LOOK! *''Teleram shows the rest of the gang the newspaper, in which the headline reads, "12 year old boy killed in mass murder"'' *''The caption below the picture following the headline reads, "The child, Chris, known by his online alias, TopherGopher, was among many who died in the mass murder yesterday."'' *'Desu:' Wait... so Toph... died? *'Da Nerd:' Ah, he was a h*cknugget anyways. *''The rest of the gang mutter in agreement.'' Wow, everyone in this movie is an asshole to dead people. +1 sin. *'YS:' So why are all of you just standing here? Why do people normally stand in an airport? I don't know, maybe they have a plane to catch? +1 sin. *'Tanner:' We're waiting for our planes so we can go home. *'Voice over intercom:' Flight 397 will be taking off shortly. Riders will no longer be able to get on board 5 minutes from now. *'Tanner:' That's actually mine right now. (to Ponyo) See ya, my magnificent smexy love. *'Ponyo:' I'll see you, Tanner. *''Tanner departs.'' *''Da Nerd, almost unaware, puts his arm around Desu, with Desu not minding.'' *''There is a view of all of them standing there.'' *''There are a few more moments of silence.'' *'Voice over intercom:' Flight 369 will be taking off shortly. Riders will no longer be able to get on board 5 minutes from now. *'Da Nerd:' My God, these are going by fast. *'Ponyo:' See ya, guys. *''Ponyo leaves.'' *'Da Nerd:' And then there were three. *'YS:' Well, I'm just gonna go. This is getting a bit awkward and I've got nowhere to be. *'Da Nerd:' Bye, Youngsoo. *'Desu:' Bye! *''Teleram leaves.'' Why did Teleram go all the way there to hand them a newspaper and leave? +1 sin. *'Desu:' So... now it's just us. *'Da Nerd:' Yeah. But I think my plane's taking off next. *'Desu:' We don't have that much time. *''There are a few moments of silence.'' *'Da Nerd:' You know I do love you, right? *'Desu:' Yeah. You do know your girlfriend's a pedophile, right? +1 sin. *'Voice over intercom:' Flight 703 will be taking off shortly. Riders will no longer be able to get on board 5 minutes from now. *'Da Nerd:' That's, uh... that's me. *'Desu:' See ya, Nerd. *'Da Nerd:' (leaving) We'll text each other every night, okay? *'Desu:' Alright! Bye! *'Da Nerd:' See ya! *''There is a shot of Desu, then a transition to the next scene.'' *''Da Nerd is seen in his bedroom, holding his suitcase.'' *''He throws his suitcase onto his chair by the wall and jumps into bed, then feels pleasure at how good the bed is.'' *''While enjoying himself by laying on the bed, he feels a vibration and pulls out his phone.'' *''The vibration indicated a notification, which turned out to be a text from Desu.'' *''The text reads:'' ::Nerd, ::Even though we've had some tough times together, ::Through it all, I do love you. ::And I am really really really sorry for that day. ::If you can forgive me, please can you meet me at the ::coffee shop on 15th Street? It's about 9 miles from your house. ::Love, Desu. Desu somehow got in his city despite the fact that they went on opposite planes to entirely different states. +1 sin. *''There is a prolonged shot of Da Nerd, then a cut to the next scene.'' *''Da Nerd and Desu are seen in a booth in the coffee shop, both of them enjoying themselves and drinking coffee. Their discussion is not distinguishable.'' Da Nerd's parents let him go hang out in a coffee shop unsupervised with his much-older girlfriend. +1 sin. *''There is a closer shot of them, and now their words are distinct.'' *'Da Nerd:' So it's a plan? *'Desu:' It's a plan. *'Da Nerd:' 2 months. *'Desu:' 2 months. *'Da Nerd:' (getting up) I'll see you then. *'Desu:' (getting up) I'll be there. 2 months where? When? 2 months to get married? 2 months to milk a cow together? 2 months to go to a Homestuck convention together? WHAT DO YOU MEAN 2 MONTHS? +1 sin. *''They hug for a prolonged amount of time, and there is a cut to the next scene.'' *''Overlayed by credits, the camera is following a bus.'' *'''''During the credits, the full version of the song used in the intro plays. *''Da Nerd and Desu are heard talking inside the bus.'' *''(near the end of the discussion)'' Desu: So where is your car anyways? *'Da Nerd:' Oh. Uh... oh. *'Desu:' What? *'Da Nerd:' I, uh, just remembered. *'Desu:' Yes? *'Da Nerd:' It's at the airport in Pellville. *'Desu:' God dammit, Nerd. *''From here on, their discussion is starting to fade out.'' *'Da Nerd:' I'm sorry! I didn't know where to put it; I had a plane to catch! Da Nerd, despite being intelligent enough to be 13 and have a license/car, doesn't know where to park in an airport. +1 sin. *'Desu:' You know they reserve spots for you, right? *'Da Nerd:' I'm sorry, I didn't know! *'Desu:' Oh my God, Nerd. *'Da Nerd:' Oh come on, it was the first time I'd ever been on a plane. *'Desu:' They even had signs up in the window, Nerd! *'Da Nerd:' I don't pay attention to those kind of things. *'Desu:' Nerd, I swear to God. *'Da Nerd:' Well, where's your car? *'Desu:' Oh. *'Da Nerd:' It's at the airport, isn't it? *'Desu:' Shut up. But if Desu knew, why did she forget? +1 sin. *''The image being faded out to a black screen, the credits continue, followed by text reading "The End".'' Sin Count *'TOTAL NUMBER OF SINS: 52' *'SENTENCE: THREEWAY WITH DESU' Category:Blog posts